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This post of mine has some great hindi non-veg sexy jokes and witty short liners to share on whatsapp in messages or on status updates, we have some really clever doable jokes shared in this post and it will defiantly laugh the person reading your status -
A Whatsapp status is something that sometimes define your nature or your attitude within your friend circle and within your family. Putting quotes of day to day lives or song lines gives an idea to the people you are in touch about how you are and what are you feeling at the moment. Putting something like a non-veg joke is probably not a good idea. But still if you do want to break the rules sometimes and don't care what people think of you then you can put a couple of vulgar sides of jokes as your Whatsapp status.
A Whatsapp status is something that sometimes define your nature or your attitude within your friend circle and within your family. Putting quotes of day to day lives or song lines gives an idea to the people you are in touch about how you are and what are you feeling at the moment. Putting something like a non-veg joke is probably not a good idea. But still if you do want to break the rules sometimes and don't care what people think of you then you can put a couple of vulgar sides of jokes as your Whatsapp status.
After sex- Boy: Jaaneman ab tumhe woh hoga duniya jise baby kahti hai.Girl: Ab tumhe woh hoga duniya jise HIV AIDS kehti hai.
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "MypenIs," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
Rah chalti ladki ko dekh kar ladka shayari ke andaz mein bola
Ladka: Kash main tumhare hasen honton ki lip-stick hota
Ladki Ne huste hue jawab diye
Ladki: Shukar karo nahi ho warna roz kisi ke lu*d pe lage hotey.
...................
Marij: Dr.sahib mera khada nahi hota.
Dr.: Ru married? NO
Dr.: Do u have girlfriend? NO
Dr.: Muth marte ho? NO
To BC khada karke dolu taangega kya!
.............................
Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:
Begam Ejazat hai?
Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.
Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.
Biwi bimar ho gayi
Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,
Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:
Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?
Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena
MAA CH*D dega !
............................
Sunny leone in Master Chef:
Aaj main Aapko: Kele ka Kofta banana sikhati hoon.
Sabse pehle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.
Agar lene mein maza aa raha hai to lete rahein..
Kofte ki Maa ka Bhos*a.. fir kabhi ban jayega!
.............................
A bull was servicing the cows..
Lady asks to manager: How many times can this bull have sex?
Manager replies: 5 to 6 times in a day.
Lady looks at husband: You see?
Husband asks to manager: Is it the same cow every time?
No sir it’s a different cow every time.
Man looks back to wife: you see!
......................................
Ek kutti ki 5 kutte mil kar le rahe the..
Ek aurat apni beti ke sath baith kar unhe dekh rahi thi n achanak si aurat hass padhi.
Beti: kya hua mom….???
Mom: kuch nahi beti bas yu hi jawani ke din yaad aa gaye.
.............................
Use barish achhi lagti thi,
aur mujhe barish me wo…
Use bheegna achcha lagta tha, mujhe bheegti hui wo…
Mujhe wo achhi lgti thi.. Par use koi aur…
Isliye maa c* barish, Aur maa c* woh!!!
Aaj main Aapko ‘Kele ka Kofta’ bnana sikhata hun.
Sabse phle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.
.
.
.
Agar lene me maza aa raha hai to lete rahe.
Kofte ki Maa ka Bh***da .. fir kabhi ban jayega!
..........................
ELECTRICITY SCENARIO
A couple were having sex.. Suddenly, the ceiling fan starts rotating.
Husband: BC Light aa gayi, Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Leta Hun!!
Wife: Haan… Main Bhi pehle Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Leti Hun!
Yeh kaam toh baad mein bhi ho jayega.
...........................
Sham diyo se sjaye baithe hai,
khushbu saso me basaye baithe hai,
unki diwangi to dekho,
girl friend raat ko ane wali hai,
aur wo dopahar se hi condom lagaye baithe hai.
.......................
Ek Admi gusse me Biwi se bola-
Dil karta hai ki aaj tere tukde tukde kar k idhar udhar fek Du.
Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi..
Bhai ‘ch*t’ idhar fekna.
........................
Lady: Ek shampoo please.
Shopkeeper: Kya dhona hai?
Lady: Kya matlab kya dhona hai, baal dhone hai aur kya?
Shopkeeper: Head ke baal dhone hai toh HEAD & SHOULDERS aur panty ke baal dhone hai toh PANTENE lelo.
Lady: GARNIER de MC. Ga*d ke baal dhone hai.
.....................
Girl: kya tum mujhe apni family se zyada chahte ho..?
Boy: No.
Girl: Kyo?
Boy: Jab main paida huwa to meri Maa ne musibat jheli.
Jab bada hone laga to Baap ne ungli pakad kar chalna sikhaya.
Jab taklif hui to Behan royi,
Jab zarurat padi to Bhai ne saath diya.
Girl: achha Gan*u.. Jab lu*d khada hua to kon kaam ayaa..!
Boy: Mera Dost, Jo ye msg padh raha hai… Jisne muze hilaana sikhaya!
....................
Golu: Tera baap doctor hai,
fir bhi tu beemar ho gaya..
Kitne sharam ki baat hai..
Molu: BC tera baap Condom bechta hai,
fir bhi tu paida hua na chutiye.
........................
Sex kar lene ke baad
BOY: Jaaneman ab tumhe woh hoga jise duniya BACCHA kehti hai..
GIRL: Ab tumhe wo hoga Jise duniya AIDS kehti hai.
.............................
Baap bathroom me fisal kar dhadaam se gira.
Haddi toot gayi.
Bete ne poochha: Kya hua Papa?
Baap: Salle MC, Mutth maar ke paani to daal diya kar.
....................
Wife computer par kaam karte hue apne pati se boli:
Koi achha password batana….?
Husband: Lu*d.
Wife: Has-Has ke chair parse gir padi
kyuki..
Computer says: Aapka pasword Chhota hai…
.........................
Girl goes on a date.
Worried Mother gives her Condom.
Girl Laughs n Hugs Mother & Says:
Yahi soch to badalni hau Maa.
Im dating with Julie, So give me Mulie!
............................
Callgirl marwadi ke ghar se rote hue nikli,
kisi ne pucha kya hua, Paise nahi diye kya kanjuso ne?
Callgirl: Paise?
Zaalimo ne chai tak mere dudh se Banayi..
...................
Population Comparison:
INDIAN: I have 4 sis & 3 bro. What abut U?
AMERICAN: I have no sis or bro.
But I have 4 Moms from 1st dad, 3 dads from 1st mom.
.......................
Boy: Tumhai main zyada pasand hu ya toilet?
Girl: Kya stupid question hai ye?
Boy: Nahi janu batao na?
Girl: Ofcourse tum hi ab batao kyu pucha?
Boy: Toilet k liye to tum foran chaddi utar deti ho,
magar mujhe bahut minnate karni parti hai kyu?
Wah ustad wah, kya kutta dimagh paya hai..
.........................
Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison…
GF-- जानू आज कटप्पा बन जाओ नाBF-- मतलबGF--मतलब यह कि.
:पीछे से मारो ना
HIV AIDS awareness campaign -"Before you pump, cover your stump.Don't be silly protect your bully.."
Wife : I want divorceHusband : Plz baby, Let the summer come.
Girl:- शादी के बाद हमदोनों हनीमून पर दुबई चलेंगे न ??Pappu :- बेबीहमें पानी निकालना है तेल नही.
***Blocked***
Relationship Status -My Right Hand told Me: - "Bhai, Girlfriend Bana Le Koi,Kab Tak Mujhe Se Kaam Chalayega"
"A condom's expiry date can be a manufacturing date for someone "....
That's all...
Son: Dad, are mermaids lady or fish?
Dad: It depends, if you are horny or Hungry.
1. Woh Mangti Thi Mein Deta Na Tha,
Jawaab Uske Kisi Bhi Sawaal Ka.
Ek Din Uss Ne Manga To Khara Ho Gya,
Rongata Rongata Meray Jazbat Ka
Ek Din Wo Boli Peeche Se Nahi Age Se Karo,
Tum Deedar Mere Husn-E-Shabaab Ka
Bada Dard Hota Hai Jab Ander Jaata Hai,
Kaano Mein Ik Ik Lafz Mere Yaar Ka.
Fir Mene Pyar Se Diya To Choot Gaya
Haath Se Mere Laal Phool Gulaab Ka
Uss Ne Kaha Ke Kar Lo Mager Kisi Ko Na Batana
Bus Chupa Rahe Yeh Afsaana Hamare Pyar Ka
2.
Mujrim Ne Apne Pathan Vakeel Ko Kaha: “Koshish Karna Umar Qaid Ho Phansi Na Ho“
Vakeel: “Tum Chinta Mat Karo“
Court Ke Baad
Mujrim: “Kya Hua?“
Pathan: “Bahut Mushkil Se Umar Qaid Karwai, Adalat To Riha Kar Rahi Thi“
3.
Santa Kisi Kaam Se Apni Biwi Ke Office Jata Hai.
Bina Kisi Se Pemission Liye Wo Sidha Uske Cabin Mein Chala Jata Hai
Waha Dekhta Hai Ki Uski Patni Apne Boss Ki Godh Mein Bethi Hai.
Aisa Dekhte Hi Santa Gusse Se Apni Patni Preeto Se Bola.
Santa: “Chal Ghar Chal Preeto, Aisi Jagah Kaam Nahi Karna Chahiye Jahaan Staff Ke Baithne Ke Liye Ek Chair Bhi Na Ho“
4.
Do Ladkiyaan Train Mein Safar Kar Rahi Thi,
Ek Ladki Ne Time Pass Ke Liye Dusri Se Puchha
Ladki: “Tujhe Kaisa Pati Chahiye?”
Dusri: “Mujhe Crorepati Chahiye”
Pahli: “Crorepati Na Mile To?”
Dusri: “50 Lakh Ke 2 Pati Chalenge”
Pahli: “50 Lakh Ke Na Mile To?”
Dusri: “25 Lakh Ke 4 Pati Bhi Chalenge”
Uppar Birth Pe Lete Hue Santa Ne Ye Suna Aur Bola.
Santa: “Jab Ye 1000 Rupaye Pe Aaye To Mujhe Bata Dena“
5.
Ek Ladies Se Bhari Bus Ka Bada Boori Tarah Se Accident Ho Gaya,
Saari Ladies Mar Gayi,
Sabke Pati Ek-Ek Ghanta Roye,
Santa Do Ghante Roya,
Kyun?
Kyunki Uski Wife Se Bus Miss Ho Gayi Thi.
6.
Santa Ne Ek Din Badi Udasi Se Apne Dost Banta Ko Bola.
Santa: “Yaar Meri Biwi Gussa Bahut Karti Hai”
Banta: “Meri Bhi Pahle Karti Thi Ab Nahi Karti”
Santa: “Achha, Aisa Tum Ne Kya Elaaj Kiya?”
Banta Muskurate Hue: “Kuch Khas Nahi, Wo Ek Din Gusse Mein Thi, Maine Kah Diya Ke Budhape Mein Gussa Aa Hi Jata Hai, Us Din Se Wo Gussa Nahi Karti“
7.
Boy-Friend Ne Girl-Friend Ko Call Kari To Usne Kaafi Der Baad Phone Uthaya
Boy-Friend Ne Hairan Hote Hue Puchha: “Arrey Itni Der Se Call Recieve Kyu Nahi Ki?”
Girl-Friend Ne Sharmate Hue Jawab Diya: “Wo Main….. Wo Main, Ringtone Par Naach Rahi Thi“
8.
Baba Saxidas Ke Ek Bhakt Ne Unse Puchha
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Ye Love Marrigae Ka Kya Fayda Hai?”
Baba Ji Muskuraye Aur Bhakt Ko Ankh Marte Hue Bole
Baba Ji: “Bacha Simple, Suhag Raat Wale Din Sharmane Mein Time Waste Nahi Hota“
A vulgar joke is something that you cannot share with your Family or also with friends who are women. It's something only meant for Guys. This is because the subjects of the jokes mainly revolve around Sex and sex alone.The theme of these jokes are to make them Non-veg to such extent that they will make you laugh out loud or make you think about it in your mind while it tickles your funny bone. They are full of sexual innuendos and vulgar remarks, That may be offensive to some people but are definitely rib-tickling. They are full of taboo content that people cannot say in their real life, but nonveg jokes definitely make them laugh about it.
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